The comics are Liz Winstead, Andy Engel and Mike Ivy
Liz had been on Girls Night Out and Caroline's. Mike has been on an Evening at the Improv and MTV. Andy is one of our favorite comics here at Caroline's.
Question: When is a door not a door?
Andy Engel: When it's a jar
Question: Whatever happened to "Max headroom"??
Liz Winstead: He became Brian Haley
Question: What do you get when you cross Mickey Mouse with Newt Gingrich?
Mike Ivy: An even smaller world
Question: Has anyone been on the History channel?
Liz Winstead: Churchill, Stalin, Hitler...All of them
Question: Liz Win'stead 'a what?
Liz Winstead: Your a loser.
Question: why was Cinderella such a crappy gymnast?
Andy Engel: Cause she wasn't wearing her olga bra
Question: What do you call a prostitute with no legs?
Liz Winstead: A Street roller
Question: How is a sitcom like a funeral?
Mike Ivy: cause at the end someone always gets buried
Question: What's the difference between a cat and a comma?
Liz Winstead: a cat will vomit on your bed
Andy Engel: WAIT...it's something about the pause
Mike Ivy: a cat has pause and a comma is one.
Question: What does Janet Reno eat for lunch?
Liz Winstead: Donna Shalala
Question: Why did Clinton go to Ireland?
Mike Ivy: he wanted to cash in his IRA
Question: how many pilgrims does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Andy Engel: Electricity wasn't invented yet
Question: Who is Brian Haley?
Liz Winstead: Max Headroom
Question: What's better than sex?
Mike Ivy: Sex during Larry Sanders
Question: What does McDonalds and the President have in common
Mike Ivy: Neither one serves PORK
Question: Will OhioState be playing the Vols?
Mike Ivy: By George they will
Question: Who is the mysterious "fifth" Beatle?
Andy Engel: Stew Sutcliff
Liz Winstead: Pete Best
Mike Ivy: Yoko Ono
Question: How many comedians does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
Liz Winstead: None, they are all trying to screw the waitresses
Question: What is the difference between Frosty the Snowman and Santa Clause?
Mike Ivy: Santa's a white man
Question: Are there any SEXUAL advantages to being a stand-up comic?
Mike Ivy: You can screw a whole room full of people with your clothes
on....AND they pay YOU!
Question: What do you do for a living?
Andy Engel: Make fun of idiots like you.
Question: (This is an old one.) What did Princess Diana find out on her
wedding night?
Mike Ivy: She had the crown jewels in the palm of her hand
Question: Are you famous?
Mike Ivy: More famous than you
Liz Winstead: In my circle
Question: What's the best strategy for winning in Monopoly?
Mike Ivy: Buy low sell high....Redo the basement...
Question: why did tonya harding remarry?
Andy Engel: she needed a new porn partner
Question: Do you know what OB-1 Kno-B said to Luke Skywalker when teaching
him some table manners?
Liz Winstead: May the FORK be with you.
Question: What's another name for Santa's Little Helpers? (besides elves)
Mike Ivy: I like to call them my honey pies....My girls.
Liz Winstead: THE POSSE
Question: WHAT DO YOU CALL A HOOKER WITH A RUNNY NOSE?
Mike Ivy: busy
Question: how is a Jewish mother different than a vulture?
Andy Engel: the vulture leaves a little meat on the bones....a Jewish mother
just picks
Mike Ivy: and picks
Liz Winstead: and picks
Question: Dear Ms. Rogers, What happened with the Republican Contract with
America?....Did they say in the beginning that they weren't going to touch Medicare a few
years ago..(Do Liz or Mike have anything to say about that?)
Liz Winstead: They LIED.
Question: What's the difference between broccoli and boogers
Liz Winstead: Bush doesn't eat broccoli.
Question: Why is OJ moving to Kentucky?
Andy Engel: All the DNA is the same there.
Question: The Grinch Vs the Mighty Morphin Power Rangers in a cage match...
who do you bet on and why???
Mike Ivy: Bet on the green rangers
Question: What is the name of Anna Nicole Smith's new movie?
Andy Engel: Honey they shrunk my inheritance
Question: What do you call a guy with no legs?
Mike Ivy: MATT
Question: Do you think they watch "Baywatch" in Bosnia?
Andy Engel: No, but they watch NightRider
Question: What is the penalty for using the word 'breast' on America Online
tonight?
Liz Winstead: You have to marry Anna Nichole Smith
Question: What's the difference between Santa and Hanukkah Harry
Liz Winstead: Santa has SALVATION
Mike Ivy: Santa doesn't have horns...
Andy Engel: What are you kidding?
Liz Winstead: For more information call the 700 Club
Question: what does a insomniac, who is dyslexic and agnostic do?
Andy Engel: stay up all night wondering if there is really a DOG....and then
wonder why they care.
Question: OSCARTD: WHAT'S THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN A PICKPOCKET AND A
GYNECOLOGIST?
Mike Ivy: Gynecologist makes more money
Andy Engel: Pickpockets don't pay taxes
Question: Why did Barney pick a fight with Shari Lewis?
Liz Winstead: Lamb Chop is gay
ComedyNite: we are outing Lamb Chop
Question: Why is batman classified as a "superhero" isn't he just a disturbed
man taking law into his own hands with some gadget belt???
Mike Ivy: YES
Andy Engel: I don't know, I could never get beyond the tights
Question: What's the difference between Dan Marino and a toilet freshner?
Mike Ivy: Dan makes the bowl stink
Question: What did Bill Clinton say to the Pope?
Liz Winstead: Isn't Ann Landers a fool?
Question: Why do guys bathrooms always have a mound of pubic hair on the
floor?
Mike Ivy: Why are you on the floor?
Question: What do you get when you cross a hooker and a midget?
Mike Ivy: floor walker
Question: What's the difference in a fat girl and a shoe salesman?
Andy Engel: shoe salesman can get things on
Question: What is a Jello Jiggler?
Mike Ivy: Bill Cosby
Question: How would you describe Yoko Ono's Singing?
Mike Ivy: OH NO
Question: Can the Buffalo Bills ever win a Super Bowl?
Andy Engel: only if they get OJ to take out the other team
Question: WHAT DO YOU CALL A MAN WITH A DRESS ON?
Andy Engel: BEAUTIFUL
Question: Which has more hormones? A room full of comedians or teenage guys?
Liz Winstead: A room full of teenage comedians
Question: Coke or pepsi???
Mike Ivy: Coke
Andy Engel: N/A
Liz Winstead: No Comment
Question: What do a miniskirt and a hard drive have in common?
Liz Winstead: something about the floppy
Question: What rhymes with orange besides door hinge?
Andy Engel: Your an idiot
Question: How does O.J. Simpson sign onto his computer?
Mike Ivy: slash, back slash, slash, delete 2, escape
Question: are you rich and single??
Mike Ivy: Yes, Liz is.
Liz Winstead: If you are rich I am single.
Question: what does janet reno use for birth control
Mike Ivy: her face!
Question: What's with Brad Pitt's Hair?
Andy Engel: WHO CARES! READ A BOOK!
Question: What do you call a congressman who crossdresses?
Mike Ivy: Janet Reno
Question: What did the farmer say when he lost his tractor?
Andy Engel: Where's my tractor
Question: why wouldn't you want to play golf with o.j simpson, heidi fleiss,
ted kennedy of barney frank?
Mike Ivy: Slice, hook, blah blah blah
Question: When his car left him stranded in the desert, why did the Aggie
take his car door with him?
Mike Ivy: to roll down the window when it got hot
Question: What do you call a man with no legs or arms in the ocean?
Andy Engel: BOB
Question: Why do reindeers fly?
Mike Ivy: cause they have alot of space to cover in a night
Question: What would Kurt Cobain be doing if he were alive todat
Liz Winstead: heroin
Question: What do you call a man with no arms or legs, going over a fence?
Mike Ivy: TOSSED
Question: I just jumped in,whats the format here ???
Mike Ivy: first, turn off your computer and go to bed
Question: will i ever win lotto? and if i do wanna be partners???
Mike Ivy: Call me after you win...
Question: What is the difference between wrestling and hockey?
Andy Engel: ICE
Question: If some one paid you $100.00 would you bungeejump out of a basement
window naked while licking a midgets big toe?
Liz Winstead: I would do it for ten
Question: What is the difference between a Macintosh and IBM?
Mike Ivy: About $1,000
Question: what did the pope say about ann landers???
Liz Winstead: He said Ann who?
Question: do you think the pope will still read ann landers?
Andy Engel: No, he reads Dear Abby
Question: What are the 3 words you DON'T want to hear when you're making
love?
Mike Ivy: is that it?
Question: Is spray cheese technically cheese or cheese product??
Mike Ivy: It's not cheese at all....
Mike Ivy: But it is GOOD on a cracker
Question: What did OJ tell Nicole right before he killed her?
Andy Engel: Your waiter will be right with you
Question: I'm a guy and I fall asleep after "CyberSex." Is that wrong?
Andy Engel: i don't know ask the machine
ComedyNite: ONE MORE
Question: What did they do with the light brown m and m's?
Mike Ivy: They are saving them in a vat for Van Halen.
ComedyNite: Thanks to all the comics who played tonight
If you would like to play an amateur version of this game and you would like to try to get the punchlines, please leave e-mail for JodieShawj...We play every Wednesday night in the CyberPlex at 10 PM ET.